I revived Livejournal, for what purpose I don't know. And I still occasionally post on Tumblr. I delete a lot of what I write online these days. I don't really know why I even want to write online at all, except for the ease of it. I don't always have my journal with me, but there's always the Internet. But the problem with the Internet is it's public, no matter how private I try to make it. I got accused of slander for what I said a friends-locked journal (meaning, only the select few I granted access to could read it, and they were a very select few). Given that, there's not much I feel safe to say anymore. I think that's why I am reviving old journals, because I'm finally to a point where I can really mourn the loss of what I had for so many years -- these little "safe places" where I could just vent, think things through, and see what's really going on past all the defenses I've built up to keep me from seeing the truths that my ego thinks are too hard for me to handle.
I don't know yet what will come of this. I may start writing again with abandon and just say fuck all to anyone who wants to stop me from doing what I do. I don't set out to defame anyone, and I have never written anything for any purpose other than getting my thoughts out of my jumbled mind and into a place where I can objectively look at them. What is so wrong with that? If I lock these entries and give you the key, and you find something unflattering or even maybe in your opinion untrue about yourself, what have I done to you but revealed what is going on in my mind about you? I'm not God. I can't make judgments about people. I can only say what I see and experience from my limited view.
I've been keeping a lot bottled up for a long time now. I don't want to become an angry person. Maybe now it's time to just finally let loose. It's been long enough.
10:29 am - Tuesday, Dec. 01, 2015
Recent entries:
In Which Foundmercy Ruminates on Being A Mother - Thursday, Oct. 27, 2016
Boring entry - Friday, Mar. 18, 2016
In which Foundmercy whines for a while then gives herself a pep talk - Wednesday, Dec. 30, 2015
Too old for this, too young for that - Monday, Dec. 28, 2015
Miserable Idiot - Friday, Dec. 25, 2015
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