I came into work an hour early to finish cutting checks that I am not even sure will get signed today.
This whole thing just makes me want to give up. I don't feel valuable. I feel like a wart on everyone's heel. No one here wants to pay anybody. (I am the Accounts Payable person.) No one here seems to understand that I am the only damn person in this entire company who has a firm understanding of how much money we actually have. Yes, I've let go of trying to stay on top of some things that I was never supposed to stay on top of. When I lost my assistant, I stopped updating the rent roll. (A task of duplicating information into an unnecessary format that the COO actually asked me to stop doing long before I did.) I stopped keeping track of who moves in and out and when their business opens when accounts receivable finally picked up billing tenant water again after leaving it to me due to the fact that the previous A/R person was too busy (or too stupid) to keep up with it. I never did understand insurance; I just tried to make sure they didn't have the wrong entity name or address on the policies. Yeah, I stopped trying to do it all because I saw through the person we hired a couple years ago that being *that* person is not the person I want to be. Fucking brown-nosing know-it-all. No thanks. I'd rather let people do their own damn jobs.
If I ever find a way to collect enough money to repay the signing bonus contingent on five years' service, I will come to work with that fat check and my two cents on all the people who work here. If I have to do four more years of this, by the end I think I'll just be so glad to be done I won't care.
The founder of the company is really smart but volatile and doesn't appreciate anyone unless they're in her face with how great they are. Sorry, but I won't degrade myself by jumping up and down begging for a pat on the head. When I call to get late fees waived or find out ways to get debts paid when no one else bothers, and come in early or stay late to get things done, and I actively work to streamline processes so that if I'm out it is easy to just pick up where I left off, I don't do like brown-noser and point it out to anybody. Either my efforts are noticed or they're not, and unfortunately with the founder/not-my-boss-but-kinda-is, they're not.
The COO seems to understand/appreciate my efforts, but she's hardly here anymore. I am stuck dealing with people who like to limit me by reminding me constantly of everything I dislike about myself, but of course in a way that makes it seem like they're trying to comfort/encourage me. Yeah, telling someone they're "so much better at dealing with people" than when you met them three years ago and one of their strong suites has always been customer service is some fucking bullshit. So damn sorry I ever told you that I don't enjoy working with Tenants so you could pounce on that little tidbit every fucking chance you get.
I'm not a faker. I pride myself on that. But it's maddening when the fakers around you get all the attention. I think I understand Trav's contention with his work before his supervisor finally started noticing him. It is easy to tell him to take pride in his work regardless of whether people notice. It is not so easy to apply that to myself. It's easy to say that what I'm going through is different, but it's not.
Blah. It's going to be alright. I just need to stop whining and continue trying to add value. If I just keep trying to find ways to improve, it has to eventually get noticed. There's just no way around it.
8:38 am - Wednesday, Dec. 30, 2015
Recent entries:
Weeds - Thursday, Apr. 13, 2023
Weeds - Thursday, Apr. 13, 2023
In Which Foundmercy Ruminates on Being A Mother - Thursday, Oct. 27, 2016
Boring entry - Friday, Mar. 18, 2016
In which Foundmercy whines for a while then gives herself a pep talk - Wednesday, Dec. 30, 2015
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