Being sick brings up some strange things.
At 3am I was looking up people from high school (how did I know you weren’t just naming a plant?) and from there ended up looking up my old diaryland. Whodathunkit, I remember the password.
My last entry is both correct and incorrect. Yes, I’m laughing, but not because I am so much more mature. I am laughing because I ever thought I was even slightly mature! Here I’m turning 38 soon and only keep learning more and more how deeply immature I can be. Here’s 5 year old me trying to pretend I’m not split in two. Here’s 10 year old me defending myself from the only person I should never have to defend myself against. Here’s 16 year old me totally missing the point of grace. Here’s 30 year old me thinking I’ve “hit my stride”. Hahahaha.
Thank GOD I am not defined by my own (in)abilities and strengths (or weaknesses). I will be okay, not in the way I had always been “okay” in the past, but truly okay. Truly at peace. And in a way I am truly at peace even now, though I know the mundane will take over like stubborn ivy before I blink. One day, all will truly be okay. No more weeds.
Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may win. Everyone who competes in the games exercises self-control in all things. They then do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way, as not beating the air; but I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.
— 1 Corinthians 9:24-27
5:04 pm - Thursday, Apr. 13, 2023
Recent entries:
Weeds - Thursday, Apr. 13, 2023
Weeds - Thursday, Apr. 13, 2023
In Which Foundmercy Ruminates on Being A Mother - Thursday, Oct. 27, 2016
Boring entry - Friday, Mar. 18, 2016
In which Foundmercy whines for a while then gives herself a pep talk - Wednesday, Dec. 30, 2015
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